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[征文作品] 【2013文心雕龙】【淫靡电梯】（33号）

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1楼 大 中 小 发表于 2014-1-27 14:42  显示全部帖子
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写的不错，电梯停电 乌黑一片 摄像头.............就不提了   
不足：干嘛那么快就进入肉戏啊？女主的心里描写多写点写的细腻一点 这样下文看起来才会更有感觉啊！
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  • 82255663 金币 +3 认真回复，奖励！ 2014-1-27 21:59

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