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[aaabbbcde] 【绿佣】（第二章）

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1楼 大 中 小 发表于 2011-1-16 15:52  显示全部帖子
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怎么感觉是个故事大概似地，出场人物很多，但不分主次。对主角的刻画也很呆板。主角离开家出去闯天下的原因交代的很少。肉戏过于粗糙，没有情感交流。总的来说，写的差了点。希望是作者发生技术失误把大纲直接贴上来了。建议作者多下点功夫，为大家带来好的文章！
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